The light in the sauna was burned out, so it was extra dark in there. Good times.
I was alone for at least five minutes, really enjoying myself and the silence, until two women entered. I didn't bring any music because I don't think it's a good idea to take electronics into a small place where it's 200 degrees. I tried not to overhear their conversation, but they were talking about the importance of owning a vehicle with 4-wheel drive during the winter. One of the women who was very fit and petite wore a tank top with a jack-o-lantern on the front. It said, "Let's get jacked!"
They left, and a gentleman entered. He promptly took off his shirt (this is against the posted rules, but what do I know?) and he grunted loudly as he stretched his legs, all while watching something on his phone. Then he spread his legs and arched his back and moaned and groaned. Then back to stretching his legs and grunting. I never said a word because I didn't want to make eye contact, but it wasn't pleasant.
After 30 minutes in there, I left to hydrate. I was gone five minutes. I came back in, and the same guy was there. He said hello and seemed genuinely surprised to see me. I didn't respond. This time he was watching something on an iPad. Did he go to the locker room when I was gone? I didn't ask. I just wanted some peace.
Then a woman entered who smelled like she had showered in an entire bottle of Chanel No. 5. She stretched out right next to me. We were only a hand's width apart. She took off her socks and shoes, spread her legs, and proceeded to exercise. Her toes were right next to my ribs. She stretched her inner thighs, arched her back, breathed deeply, and did some ab work while I looked at the clock, wishing for death to come soon.
At some point, I also heard someone's nose whistling.
After 15 minutes, I was finally done and sat on a bench to cool down, drinking water. I absolutely look terrible after being in a 200-degree oven for 45 minutes. A sweet older man who had lost his keys appeared as though he needed some help. He looked at me. I said hello. He said he had a hard time getting started this morning, and I said I understood. End of conversation. I saw him later with keys in hand, heading for the exit. That made me smile.
When I had finally cooled off enough, I wanted to get things out of my locker in the hallway, but an older gentleman was standing right next to my locker. There wasn't enough space for both of us to be there. I told him I'd gladly wait until he finished. He said it's always his luck that this happens to him in the locker room. "That's the worst," I said. I didn't want to ask if the other person was naked and needing to open a locker, but that's always been my experience. He closed his locker and said, "If I weren't so tired, I'd sit down and talk with you." I have never seen this man before.
Who did he think I was?
This morning was cold, but I just put on another layer and walked outside.